Back on August 5th I wrote I hadn't been posting much coz I was feeling so strange. I'm STILL all discombobulated.

Even though my body and brain function in the past has been so low I've still enoyed writing here, messing about with some daft graphics, some wordplay - or your brains. Now I'm half dead.

Were I able to analyse it I guess I would realise that my poor physical health is at the bottom of it. I've still, f'rinstance, got problems with  jaw infections. That drags down my everyday problems with my normally lowered immune system so that I'm trapped in bed even more than norma andl in a zombie-state. I'm not in bed because I'm depressed but because I'm so physically ill but then that poisons my psyche and spirit.

Around my birthday I was shown so much love, given presents that came from peoples' hearts and I know it but don't see it. Perhaps all the serious Dad confronting stuff is taking more out of me than I anticipated. I'm sure if I could wake without every cell screaming in pain and knowing I had a true productive day ahead it would help. As it is my days go around getting to the loo, eating, drinking, sitting here. Getting dressed is a bonus luxury...but then again, I'm used to that. Being so joyless is not like me.

People keep being exceedingly kind and blessing me but I'm not communicating with it no matter how much my head really knows I'm privileged...I try and do back what I can and that's invisible to me also.

 

 

 

Ah, the blahs. I wish i had some stellar bit of wisdom to offer, but sometimes, sh*t just happens! I think its ok to allow yourself time to wallow in the feeling you have. Allowing yourself to become whatever "it" is that ails you emotionally, spiritually and/or physically sometimes is the only way out. Great change comes with great pain, maybe this is a stage of metamorphosis??
Until ennui is no longer, i will gently wish you peace and good health.

I echo what On the Path wrote, Hazel. Sometimes, we just get the "blahs" and that's all there is to it. The trick is to keep working to find and focus on all the positives that come into your daily life. Those can be hard to find, I know, but they are there, my dear friend...

I am home from vacation, now, and I'm trying to catch up with everyone. I have missed you very much, dear lady, and I want you to know that you are in my thoughts, and that I am sending you as much positive energy as I have at my disposal...

HAZEL BABY!!! How ya doin', sweetness? You feeling okay? Where are you? Whatcha been up to? You coming back? Come on back, sweetheart; I MISS YOU!! What do I have to do to get you back? Hmmmm? Send you a basket full of cherries with whipped cream on top? How about kitty-shaped cookies loaded with smarties or jelly beans?

Please come back, my friend. You really are missed.....